I showed up as a child’s broken heart. A man that had lost his way. I felt as if I were one less than nobody. A beggars cup, hollow and empty. As if my shadow no longer even accompanied me anymore. In that state of darkness. There was no light.

So, I took the communion, drank from the cup of the sacrament as it were. Forgiveness found me. God did that which I couldn’t do for myself. Living waters and life flowed thru me. And, then the light returned. I am forever changed. I was falling and the hand of God caught me and I died to myself and was reborn…

It would not had been possible if it were not for Whiz, Suzi, Zoya, Kat, Theresa and the crew. They, being the messengers, the conduit and servants of the Spirit of God. Gratitude and giving fill my heart now. Thank you much so..!

I’ve recently emerged from a profound ceremony and the sacrament allowed me to release deep pain I carried subconsciously from people, places and unseen wounds, including combat trauma I didn’t even know still haunted me.

My body let go of that invisible burden, awakening me from a long spiritual winter into clumsy yet unstoppable movement toward renewal and the dawning light of transformation. In the fire of truth, illusions I was unknowingly responsible for creating burned away, forging strength and clarity to rise as my brightest self, grasping my purpose like the sun.

A Journey From Faith to Knowing

For most of my life, I never imagined I would have an experience like this.

I was raised Catholic, later rebaptized as a Christian, and spent much of my life believing deeply in my faith. I worked for the Department of Justice, served in fire and EMS, and come from a family history where substance abuse was a very real part of our story. Because of that, I was heavily opposed to “drugs” and Psychedelics were never something I believed I would consider, much less experience.

But I knew I needed help.

My first experience with plant medicine was with Iboga, and that experience quite literally saved my life. It opened a door I didn’t know existed and gave me an opportunity to begin confronting things I had carried for far too long.

My journey with Sacred Warrior Fellowship and psilocybin took me through that door in an entirely different way.

I came into the ceremony with uncertainty, vulnerability, and perhaps even a little resistance. What unfolded was beautiful, sacred, and equally brutal. I found myself face-to-face with some of the deepest and most powerful moments of my life — completely open and unrestricted.

I experienced moments of flying with my best friend and pilot in command, and then becoming part of the cockpit itself. I experienced being buried beneath rubble and debris, only to be pulled from it by fallen comrades and loved ones. I felt their presence — not simply around me, but within me.

There were moments when chapters of my life that I had never fully understood suddenly came full circle.

And somewhere within that experience, something fundamental changed.

I was brought directly into the presence of our Creator and into the presence of Creation itself. I no longer feel that my faith is something I must simply believe in. I have experienced something that feels deeper than belief.

I have seen and felt the love and light that exists within each and every one of us, and all around us.

For those of us who have lived through trauma, loss, service, and experiences that are difficult to put into words, it can be incredibly easy to become trapped inside our own internal damnation. We carry moments that our minds and bodies don’t know how to process, and sometimes we spend years trying to outrun them.

This journey gave me an opportunity to stop running. To face them. To feel them. To grieve them. And, perhaps most importantly, to understand that I did not have to remain imprisoned by them. It was sacred, and deeply personal, intimate in a way that only exists between ourselves, our Creator, and those who walked beside who were there in that moment.

I am profoundly grateful for the opportunity Sacred Warrior Fellowship gave me to enter that sacred space and do that work. It was not easy. It was not comfortable. And it was not something I would describe as simply beautiful. It saved and changed my life.

I spent my life growing up as a strong-willed and bold person. Not unlike everyone, in adulthood I experienced things that knocked me down. But I always carried within me abundant resilience.

However, in 2023 I encountered some life experiences that knocked me down and found myself unable to get back up. Resilience was completely depleted. I ultimately was questioning if it was even worth it to keep trying. I tried all the things; talk therapy, EMDR, etc. I carried the diagnosis of PTSD but refused to acknowledge it.

My first exposure to SWF was in December 2025 and it changed my life. I walked into ceremony thinking that things couldn’t possibly get worse, I walked out with resilience replenished and a connection with an “inner knowing” that I have complete faith in.

I was able to acknowledge, accept, and grieve the losses. I was able to find peace in letting go of the pain that was drowning me. I was able to get back up. I was able to see and understand Source and my given assignment in this life.

I walk forward with faith in myself and my humanity. I walk forward in PEACE.

I will be forever grateful to SWF for leading me to this pathway to genuine healing.